 Over the past 30 years as a martial arts instructor, I’ve sat on countless black belt testing boards and led many tests myself. But there’s one test I’ve never forgotten: my own. It was December, cold, and I had been sick for days. There was no crowd. No family. No music or motivational cheering. Just me, my instructor, and eight black belts standing across from me, ready to spar. That day wasn’t about performance. It wasn’t for show. It was a private test of my physical ability, mental toughness, and personal grit. That experience shaped how I’ve conducted black belt tests ever since. In our dojo, no family or friends are allowed to watch the test itself. They’re welcome to come after, to celebrate when the student earns the belt, but not during. That part is earned in silence, pressure, and solitude. This benefits adults just as much as children. Facing challenges without a safety net builds self-trust, emotional endurance, and clarity under pressure—skills that translate directly into leadership, relationships, and real-world resilience. Whether you’re 10 or 40, learning to stand alone strengthens who you are. Some may find this approach controversial, especially in a world where parents want to be present for every moment. But here’s the truth: We can love our kids so much that we unintentionally weaken them. Helicopter parenting, though well-intentioned, robs children of the chance to build confidence through adversity. And black belt testing is adversity. It’s supposed to be hard. It’s meant to stretch a student to the edge of their limits. Why? Because life will do the same. When we remove every obstacle or soften every blow, we teach our children to depend on us instead of discovering their own strength. I want our students to know that when the pressure is on and the crowd is gone, they can rely on themselves. Of course, I hope every parent lives to be 150 years old. But the reality is, one day they won’t be there. And when that day comes, the greatest gift we can give our children is the confidence that they can handle hard things. That’s what the black belt test is really about. 
0 Comments
 In my years as a martial artist, Air Force leader, and leadership coach, I’ve learned that strength doesn’t come from being constantly unsatisfied—it comes from knowing how to balance peace with purpose.
I shared this with my daughter Payton when she was 16: “Be content, be grateful, but never settle…EVER.” Contentment means appreciating where you are without being trapped by where you’ve been. Gratitude reminds you that every step, every hardship, and every person in your life has shaped you. But settling? That’s where growth stops. That’s where dreams stall. That’s where excuses start sounding like reasons. Whether in the dojo, the military, or the boardroom, I’ve seen what happens when people stop striving—not because they’re tired, but because they get comfortable. I want better for my daughter. I want her to chase her best self with a grateful heart and an unshakable drive. If there’s one thing I want every young leader, every human striving for more to remember, it’s this: “Be content, be grateful, but never settle…EVER.” – Cliff Kinchen  As a martial arts instructor, a senior enlisted leader in the Air Force, and a leadership trainer, I’ve noticed a consistent truth: people often look for a way out when faced with something difficult or unpleasant.
Facing Discomfort in Different Arenas In the dojo, it shows up as students claiming they’re too tired to train or that schoolwork is too heavy. In the military, I’ve seen service members exaggerate injuries to avoid physically demanding tasks. In corporate life, I’ve witnessed people overstate their productivity; submitting inflated numbers to meet expectations. Sometimes the reasons are valid. Life gets busy, bodies get sore, and limits are real. But other times, these excuses are just shields to avoid doing something uncomfortable. A Lesson in Facing the Unpleasant Before I joined a pharmaceutical company, I sat through a tough panel interview with five territory managers. One of them asked, “What was your least favorite class in your MBA program?” I paused and answered honestly: corporate finance. Not because I couldn’t do the work, but because I naturally gravitate toward people over spreadsheets. That question stuck with me. I was never told why they asked it, but I believe they wanted to see how I handled something I didn’t enjoy. Would I still show up, give effort, and deliver results? The True Test of Character That, to me, is the true test of character: not how you perform when things come easily, but how committed you are when they don’t. You won’t always love the work. There will always be parts of the job—or life—that just aren’t exciting. The real difference-maker is whether you show up and give your best anyway. Outcome of Commitment As I waited for my luggage at the airport after that interview, I got the call—I was hired. By the way, I earned a B+ in that class.  Over the years, I’ve competed in hundreds of martial arts tournaments: local, regional, national, and international. I’ve fought in open-style striking events, judo, Olympic-style Taekwondo, kickboxing and boxing. I’ve won U.S. and North American kickboxing titles, and I had the honor of representing the U.S. Air Force on its Taekwondo Team.
More recently, in my 50s, I brought home gold in Karate at the North Carolina State Games in 2022, 2023, and 2024. So when people ask if I’d ever compete in kickboxing again at my age, it’s a fair question. Every fighter believes they still have one more great fight in them. The heart always wants to go one more round. But the truth is, I made peace with that chapter of my life after my final full-contact fight at 32. The Fighter’s Reality: Knowing When It’s Time to Walk Away Here’s what I’ve learned: fighters need to know when their competitive career is over. You might still have the desire, the will, even the discipline. But results will likely no longer match the fire that still burns inside you. And for some fighters, that disconnect is dangerous. Some continue chasing the fame and fortune they once had or that they never quite reached. They hang on too long, and the consequences: physically, emotionally, even spiritually, can be devastating. But martial arts is bigger than fighting. That part of the journey is just one phase. Evolving Beyond the Fight When it’s time, we must evolve. We become coaches, mentors, and guides for the next generation of fighters. We help them navigate the obstacles we once faced. We help them achieve more than we did. And that becomes a new kind of victory. A Lesson for Fighters…and for Leaders This isn’t just a lesson for fighters. It’s a lesson for leaders. Like fighters, great leaders must eventually recognize when it’s time to pass the torch, not because they’ve lost the ability to lead, but because their greatest legacy may lie in preparing others to lead even better. True leadership is knowing when to stop chasing the next round for yourself, and instead start building the champion who will step into the next one after you. Whether that next leader is the captain of a high school team or the future CEO of a Fortune 500 company, your willingness to step back and support their rise could be what keeps your organization from experiencing the kind of damage that happens when someone hangs on too long. Just like in the ring, timing is everything.  Martial arts is more than just technique, it’s a reflection of discipline, resilience, and leadership. As an instructor, I see this firsthand in the dedicated men who train 2-3 times per week. They’re fathers, husbands, professionals; each embracing the mindset of continuous improvement. The Leadership Mindset in Motion These men don’t train because it’s easy; they train because it challenges them. Their mental and physical resilience mirrors the mindset of strong leaders who step up instead of backing down. Discipline & Growth Week after week, they show up, ready to push their limits. That consistency speaks to their commitment to growth, a trait that extends beyond the gym into their families, careers, and personal goals. Confidence Without Ego Martial arts teaches more than physical skill, it builds self-assurance without arrogance. True leaders don’t need to dominate; they lead with composure, skill, and quiet confidence. Respect, Humility & Mentorship In my time working with these men, I’ve seen how deeply martial arts reinforces respect and humility. They train hard, support one another, and apply these values in their daily lives. Strategy & Adaptability Success isn’t about brute force: it’s about quick thinking and adaptability. Whether on the mat or in leadership roles, these men assess, pivot, and execute with precision, qualities that translate into life outside the gym. Leading by Example More than anything, they train because their actions speak louder than words. They’re building strength, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. This sets an example for their families, teams, and communities. Teaching these men is an honor because they embody what leadership truly looks like…a constant pursuit of excellence, growth, and the willingness to rise to any challenge.   There was a rhythm in our unit. We trained. We evaluated. We moved. We operated like a well-oiled machine; until the day that rhythm was broken.
Not by war. Not by crisis. By a locked file cabinet. I needed a personnel file for a routine performance evaluation. Simple enough. So I asked the admin specialist to grab it. Her response? "It’s locked 🔐. The lead admin has the key, and she’s on vacation." I paused. Squinted. Surely someone else had a spare? The Director of Operations, maybe? Nope. That’s when I said it, loud enough for everyone to hear: "What if she got hit by a bus?" I wasn’t being cruel. I wasn’t hoping for tragedy. But I needed everyone in that room to confront the reality of the situation: Why does an entire process grind to a halt just because one person is gone? Leadership isn’t just about overseeing people; it’s about building resilient systems. If the system fails when a key player is out, then the system itself is broken. And soon, we’d learn that lesson in a way none of us saw coming. But that’s a story for another day. Redundancy is not optional…it’s LEADERSHIP! When critical processes hinge on one person, the entire organization is vulnerable. Leaders must build systems, not silos.  In leadership—whether you’re running a martial arts dojo, leading a corporate team, or mentoring young students—there’s a truth we all face sooner or later: Even when you’re right, things can still go wrong. Today, I had a conversation with a parent who questioned our membership hold and cancellation policy. From the beginning, I responded with transparency. I explained that we don’t lock families into contracts, that our 30-day cancellation policy is posted clearly on our membership registration page, and that holds are a courtesy—not a contractual guarantee. I even backed it up with screenshots from our registration platform. Still, the message didn’t land. They hadn’t remembered seeing the information, didn’t recall agreeing to it, and felt it was unfair to enforce it now. Despite the facts and fairness of the policy, their experience felt like a violation of trust. In the end, they chose to cancel their child’s membership. And if there’s any real loss in that decision, it isn’t mine—it’s the student’s. The child showed genuine potential. They enjoyed class. They were building confidence, sharpening focus, and growing as both a martial artist and a leader. That momentum is now paused—not because they weren’t ready to continue, but because a policy disagreement got in the way of their path forward. 💡LEADERSHIP LESSONS 1. Clarity ≠ Connection You can say everything right, but if the other person feels unheard, it won’t matter. Leaders must prioritize how messages are received—not just how clearly they’re delivered. 2. Policies Are Tools, Not Shields It’s tempting to fall back on “the rules” when challenged. But great leadership means explaining why the rules exist—how they protect the team, balance fairness, and preserve trust. 3. Emotional Intelligence Wins I could’ve responded with defensiveness. Instead, I chose calm, empathy, and perspective. In martial arts, we teach students to respond without escalation. This was no different. 4. You’re Always Representing the Mission Even in disagreement, my words reflected the values of Kinchen Martial Arts Academy: clarity, compassion, and character. That’s the kind of leadership I want my students to model--not just in sparring, but in life. Not every conversation ends in agreement. But every moment is a chance to lead with integrity—even when it costs you. If you train to lead, you have to lead—especially when it’s uncomfortable.   Not long after earning my 1st Degree Black Belt, I was invited by my instructor, Mr. Oliver Miller, to compete as part of a 5-person team at a traditional Karate Kumite tournament at Delta State University. The team was handpicked by his instructor, Grandmaster D.J. Sias—two elite fighters, Mr. Miller himself, and to my surprise, me and fellow student Tom Brocksmith. When we arrived and met the rest of the team, I felt humbled and honored to stand beside some of the best martial artists I had ever seen. The tournament followed Traditional Karate Kumite rules: first to 5 points wins, with standard target zones—except for one. Unlike other tournaments I’d competed in, this one allowed groin strikes. When I was paired with my opponent, I let him know I wasn’t wearing a groin protector and suggested we agree as gentlemen not to strike there. He declined, saying he wanted to follow the rules. I suspected he thought my inexperience with this rule would be a disadvantage. What he didn’t realize: there’s a difference between not knowing something—and choosing not to use it. As we faced off, I used a variation of a front kick (what I knew then as a flip kick) and struck him in the groin using the top of my foot. It was a kick unfamiliar to him and difficult to defend against. I followed up with four more quick points, winning the match 5–0. That moment taught me more than how to adapt under pressure—it taught me about leadership. 3 Leadership Lessons from the Mat: 1. Leadership Chooses Preparedness When the stakes are high, leaders choose those who’ve shown results, not those with the most flash or talk. Consistent performance earns trust when it matters. 2. Don’t Underestimate Others Based on Surface Details Making assumptions about someone’s experience, skill, or readiness without deeper understanding can lead to missed opportunities—or unexpected defeat. 3. Know the Difference Between Can’t and Don’t Competence is more than what you show--it’s what you reserve until the right moment. Great leaders know how to leverage restraint and preparation into decisive action. That day wasn’t just about winning a match--it was about being ready when the call came, showing respect even when it wasn’t returned, and remembering that leadership is built over time, not claimed in a moment.   Several years ago, I commented on a video with a leadership message posted by the then U.S. Air Force 509th Bomb Wing Command Chief Master Sergeant. Just a quick note: “Nice video Chief!” I wasn’t expecting what came next. The Chief responded: “Thanks Cliff, I tell my Airmen about the leader you are. You were the subject of one of my ALS speeches. You led by example and inspired me to be the best Airman I could be.” Reading that stopped me in my tracks. It was humbling—deeply so. I replied with the only words that felt honest: “I appreciate that more than you know. I’ve talked about you to many people in and out of the Air Force. To have had a small influence on the great leader you’ve become has made me very proud and humbled me even more.” Here’s what this reminded me about leadership: ✅ People are always watching. You never know who you’re inspiring just by showing up with integrity, consistency, and commitment. ✅ Leadership is legacy. It’s not just about the role you’re in. It’s about the influence you leave behind in others. ✅ Recognition matters. A few sincere words can fuel someone’s purpose for years to come. ✅ Humility keeps you grounded. Hearing that I impacted a leader I respect so much reminded me why staying humble is non-negotiable. ✅ Mentorship flows both ways. Even when you’re guiding someone, you’re learning, growing, and becoming better in return. I’ve always believed in leading by example, but this moment reaffirmed why it matters. Leadership isn’t about seeking credit. It’s about investing in others, staying true to your values, and leaving people better than you found them. To the Chief—thank you for the kind words. And to all the quiet leaders out there: Keep showing up. You’re making more of a difference than you realize.   Friends, What you’re about to read comes from years of frustration—and it’s not from critics or outsiders. It’s from people in our own community who’ve helped undervalue what we do. The World’s View of Martial Arts: A Story Not long ago, a friend who works at a local country club invited me to speak with their Fitness Director. They were looking for someone to teach a self-defense seminar for mothers and daughters in the community—spurred by a string of recent attacks, including one near their greenway. I arrived on time, dressed professionally, and shared my background: - 30+ years teaching martial arts - Owner of a successful school for over a decade - 8th Degree Black Belt, former kickboxing champion - National and international martial arts titles - Member of the U.S. Air Force Taekwondo Team - 20-year Air Force veteran, military policeman, and defensive tactics instructor The Fitness Director listened, then outlined their expectations: - A 45 minute to 1 hour seminar (my standard runs 2+ hours) - A Monday or Wednesday evening (high-traffic times for my academy) - Payment options: either a flat fee (undisclosed), or $75 per person split 50/50 with the facility I thanked them for their time, said I’d consider it, and walked out. But as I left, I noticed something: luxury cars, manicured grounds, a child’s birthday party in progress (at noon on a Friday), designer clothes and accessories… and it hit me: They’re not negotiating because they can’t pay. They’re negotiating because they don’t value what we do. Today, I Stop Settling I’ve agreed to terms like this before—cutting content, cutting time, and cutting price—to “get in the door.” Not Anymore. I’ve spent my life building this expertise. What I teach isn’t a demo—it’s a life skill that can save lives. And I won’t let anyone—club, client, or colleague—set the value of my services without respecting the investment behind them. Martial arts instructors, especially those of us who come from humble, service-minded roots, tend to give more than we charge. We do it for love. We do it for impact. But if we don’t respect our value, no one else will. The Bigger Point (Beyond Martial Arts) This isn’t just about martial arts. It’s about anyone in any profession who has spent years developing expertise in a field others take for granted: - If you’re a creative professional expected to “volunteer your vision”… - If you’re a coach, educator, or healer undervalued by a results-now world… - If you’ve ever been asked to “do it for exposure” while others profit… This message is for you too. You don’t have to be arrogant. You don’t have to be confrontational. But you do have to decides: Do you value what you bring? Or are you letting others define it for you? A Final Word People pay without question for manicures, massages, hair color, and golf lessons—often tipping 20% on top. Yet somehow, a seminar that teaches women and girls or anyone, how to protect themselves draws hesitation. That’s not a pricing issue. That’s a perspective issue. So from now on, I teach on my terms. If you value what I offer, you’ll pay the fee I ask. If not, I’ll respectfully pass. Stand firm in your worth. The right people will meet you there.  |
AuthorCliff Kinchen is a lifelong martial artist and seasoned leadership trainer who blends combat discipline with real-world leadership insight. With decades of experience—from Air Force instruction to corporate boardrooms—he helps others grow through confidence, character, and challenge. His writing sparks reflection, inspires action, and invites readers to lead from the inside out ArchivesCategories |
RSS Feed
Proudly Serving
|
CORNELIUS
|
DAVIDSON
|
HUNTERSVILLE
|
CHARLOTTE
|
CONCORD
|
KINCHEN MARTIAL ARTS academy
MEMBERSHIPS AND AWARDS
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Telephone |
Information |
HoursMonday: 4:30PM - 8:00PM
Tuesday: 4:30PM - 8:00PM Wednesday: 4:30PM - 8:00PM Thursday: 4:30PM - 8:00PM Friday: 4:30PM - 7:30PM Saturday: CloseD/Special Event Sunday: Closed/Special event |
© kinchen martial arts | cornelius, nc | website design by Rickhouse Marketing®