Give Flowers Now: A Leadership and Life Lesson from Loss

On March 22, 2023, I lost my little brother, Chris. “Little” is relative, he stood nearly 6 foot 2, while I’m 5 foot 8 on a good day. He passed away at just 38 years old from a rare blood disorder inherited from our parents. Since then, I’ve found myself noticing the world around me a little more. I’ve been doing what loss demands of us…reflecting.

One of the things I keep hearing in my head is something Chris used to say often:
“Give me my flowers while I’m here.”

It’s a phrase many have heard. We usually take it to mean, “Show love and appreciation before it’s too late.” I used to think that too. But after losing Chris, I see it differently.

Giving flowers isn’t just about avoiding regret after someone passes. It’s about how we lead, how we parent, how we show up. A person doesn’t have to die for this to matter; sometimes, they just need someone to see them.

When a child receives love and recognition, they grow up knowing they matter. That emotional security becomes their armor against self-doubt and anxiety.

When a stay-at-home mom is affirmed, it reminds her that what she does is not invisible. She’s not “just” a mom, she’s a cornerstone.

When a father is appreciated, he’s reminded that his sacrifices mean something. He’s not just a paycheck. He’s a protector, a provider, and a source of strength.

When an employee is recognized consistently, not just during exit interviews, it builds a culture of loyalty, morale, and leadership. It helps people stay connected to purpose.

As a martial artist, an Air Force leader, and a teacher of leadership, I’ve seen this truth repeat itself: people don’t need perfection, they need to feel seen.

Too often, we wait until the funeral, the resignation letter, or the broken relationship to offer the praise, love, and gratitude we should’ve given long before.

Leadership isn’t just about strategy, it’s about humanity.

That’s why I had Chris’s words permanently inscribed on the inside of my left arm, in his handwriting, surrounding a lotus flower drawn by my daughter, Payton. His message now sits close to my heart, always. A daily reminder to lead with love, and never wait to show it.

So here’s the challenge I’m embracing and offering:
Give your flowers now.
To your kids.
To your partner.
To your teammates.
To your mentors and your students.

Tell them what they mean to you while they’re still around to hear it.
We’re all carrying burdens. A few flowers could be the thing that keeps someone going.

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