I LEARNED TO READ PEOPLE BEFORE I LEARNED TO LEAD THEM

People sometimes tell me I have a way of making almost anyone comfortable.

They notice that I’ll pick up a slight accent, use words and phrases that fit the person I’m talking to, or naturally steer the conversation into territory they know well.
Family members have even teased me about it. They’ll say,

“You start sounding like whoever you’re talking to.”

They’re right. But it’s not fake. It’s how I build trust.
And it’s a skill I learned long before I ever wore a uniform, taught a martial arts class or became a leadership trainer.

Where It Started

Growing up in Detroit, you had to learn quickly how to read people and adapt.

Some of it was survival. The way you talked to the older guys on the block wasn’t the way you’d talk to your teachers, or the older lady at the corner store, or the kids from a different part of the city.
Each group had its own language, its own rhythms, its own signals.

If you wanted to stay out of trouble, get respect, and sometimes just get by without problems, you learned to switch gears.
I didn’t have a word for it back then. It was just life.

But looking back, I see it for what it was:

✅ Code-switching.
✅ Social mirroring.
✅ Relational intelligence.

Whatever you want to call it, it taught me to meet people where they are; to use language, tone, and even body language that made them feel like they were talking to someone who understood them. Someone who was, in a sense, “one of their own.”

How It Shaped My Leadership

Years later, in the Air Force, that same skill became one of my biggest assets.
I could talk to a kid from Appalachia one moment, a Bronx native the next, then turn around and brief a general officer or collaborate with international partners.

On the dojo mat, it lets me connect with a shy 7-year-old, an anxious parent, or a seasoned executive all in the same hour.
It’s how I get people to trust me, open up, and take the next step; whether it’s throwing a kick, taking on a new leadership role, or just believing in themselves a little more.

The Leadership Lesson

Most leadership books talk about vision, decisiveness, and discipline (all critical, don’t get me wrong).

But they rarely talk about this:

Great leaders meet people where they are.
They speak in ways others understand, build comfort, and create trust.

Detroit taught me that.
It’s one of the most valuable things I carry with me, from the streets to the squadron to the dojo floor to the boardroom.

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