Too Honest or Just Honest Enough? A Leadership Lesson

There’s a fine line between telling the truth and telling too much of it…or so I was told.

Back when I was serving as a leadership instructor, we were piloting a new exercise on giving feedback. The idea was simple enough, draw a random name from a bowl and give that person three things:

1. One thing they’re good at,
2. One thing they’re bad at, and
3. One thing they could improve.

That’s right. Face to face. With the whole organization in the room: support staff, instructors, everyone. What could go wrong?

Now I’ve never been one to shy away from an uncomfortable truth, especially if it’s intended to help someone grow. So when it was my turn, I gave my feedback directly, without malice, but with purpose.

I told my colleague, who by the way, is brilliant and knew the curriculum inside and out; that their tone and demeanor often came across as condescending, and it was causing students to shut down. Not because they weren’t capable, but because their delivery made people feel small.

The room went quiet. Real quiet. Then we were promptly put on a break.

During that break, a young support team member approached me and said, “You’re too honest.”

I smiled and said, “There’s no such thing.”


Honesty Isn’t the Problem…Avoidance Is

Here’s the thing: every person before me gave feedback that was clearly watered down. I’m not knocking kindness, I’m all for tact. But I am against wasting someone’s time with feedback that does nothing to help them grow. What’s the point of an exercise on constructive feedback if we tiptoe around the truth?

We do this in our personal lives too. We avoid telling the people closest to us the things they need to hear. Not because we don’t care, but because we do, and we’re afraid the truth might hurt them.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

We don’t grow from comfort. We grow from constructive discomfort. And withholding truth to spare someone’s feelings can do more harm than good, especially when it delays their growth or causes issues that could have been prevented.


Leadership Means Having the Courage to Care Enough to Tell the Truth

I don’t give honest feedback to tear people down. That’s not leadership…that’s ego.
I give honest feedback because I believe in the potential of the people around me.
And I welcome honest feedback myself, even when it stings, especially when it stings. Because I know it keeps me from becoming complacent or stagnant.

If your goal is to build people up, you can’t do it by walking on eggshells. And you can’t lead by only telling people what they want to hear. You lead by helping them become better, even when it’s uncomfortable in the moment.


And Just So You Know…

We never implemented that feedback exercise into the curriculum.
I guess they figured too much honesty might’ve taken out half the staff by week two.

But me? I still believe the truth, delivered with respect, is one of the most underused tools in leadership today.

Want a stronger team? Give them the truth. Just make sure it’s the kind that helps them rise, not retreat.

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