What Our Kids Need Most: An Example They Can Count On

I didn’t grow up around leadership.
I grew up in Detroit, in a house full of noise; yelling, tension, and survival. There were days the heat didn’t work. Nights when dinner was whatever we could scavenge. And plenty of times I sat wondering if the chaos would ever calm down.

My mom did the best she could with what she had. She was tough, smart, and stretched herself thin trying to hold everything together. But when she died unexpectedly when I was 17, the bottom fell out from under me. No fallback plan. No steady hand. No guide.

My father was in the home, but he was a “street guy”, and I say that with no hate in my heart, just honesty. There wasn’t much in the way of an example of being a good leader. That’s a story for another time. But after my mother passed, he walked the world lost…until he died.

So, I started piecing things together on my own, because I had to.

At around 10 years old, I found my first real examples of leadership; not in my neighborhood or my home, but in martial arts movies, action heroes, and Black Belt magazine.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “You’re telling me Arnold, Bruce Lee, and a subscription to Black Belt Magazine raised you?”

Yes. Yes, I am.

Because even though those were fictional characters, they gave me something real: a blueprint.

• They showed me what it looked like to act with integrity.
• To stand up for people who couldn’t stand up for themselves.
• To show restraint when power was easy to abuse.
• To be there when someone needed protection, guidance, or just an ear.

Looking back, I didn’t just admire those qualities…I studied them. I internalized them. I decided:

“If I ever get the chance to lead; to raise a family, to guide a team, to stand in front of someone who needs direction, they’ll never have to wonder where I stand. I’ll show up. I’ll be consistent. I’ll be who I said I was…even when it’s hard.”

That’s why leading by example isn’t optional to me…it’s personal. It’s not some theory I picked up in a leadership book or a workshop I attended. It’s something I needed in my life before I ever knew how to put it into words.
When you grow up without consistency, without someone showing up when it counts, you understand just how much it matters.

And now? I try to be that person in every role I step into:
🟢 As a father
🟢 As an instructor
🟢 As a supervisor
🟢 As a recruiter
🟢 As a man
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And sometimes, leadership shows up in the quietest moments.
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The other day, I sent a text to both my daughters. I told them that I know I don’t say it often enough, but I brag on them all the time; to other parents, to friends, to students. I told them how proud I am of the good things they’re doing with their lives. And I told them I love them.
They both responded that they loved me too.
But Payton, my youngest, added something that stopped me in my tracks. She said:
“Awww I love you too dad, thank you for always being there for us.”

Whew.

I’ve trained in full-contact kickboxing, survived Desert Storm, led law enforcement teams, taught leadership across the country, and I still wasn’t ready for that uppercut.

But you know what? That hit felt good. Because I realized something:

I took the example I never had…and became the example I always needed.

That’s what leadership really is. Not a job title. Not a rank. Not a plaque on the wall.

It’s showing up, especially when it’s inconvenient.

It’s doing the right thing, even when no one’s looking.

And it’s becoming the kind of person your kids will someday thank you for being, even if you used to practice sidekicks on the couch cushions and thought Jackie Chan was a father figure.

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