Why Losing Might Be the Best Thing for Your Kids (and Your Business)

At our summer camp this year, we had a 10-year-old who flat-out refused to play dodgeball.
Now, I’m used to kids avoiding dodgeball because they’re afraid of being hit. That’s not new. But his reason was different:
He didn’t want to play because he didn’t like games where he could lose and be “out” while others kept playing.

So, I asked him who his favorite soccer player was. Without hesitation, he said, “Lionel Messi.”
Perfect.

I explained that even Messi, arguably the best soccer player in the world, has missed more goals than most players have even attempted. And there were times his team made it to the world championships without him scoring a single decisive goal. But here’s the thing, Messi didn’t stop playing. He didn’t stop trying. He didn’t avoid situations where he might fail.

I told him, “Losing is just an opportunity to get better.” If Messi never missed, never stumbled, and never lost, he wouldn’t be the player he is today.

That conversation got me thinking: Why are we so afraid of failure?


1. Growth Means Letting Them Struggle (Safely)
If your kid never stumbles, they never learn to get back up. I’m not saying push them down, that’s a different blog post and possibly a court date, but do let them face challenges without rushing to “fix” it.

In sports, business, or life, the lessons that stick are the ones we earn through effort, not handouts. If you’re a leader in a company, the same applies to your team. Give them space to problem-solve instead of handing them the answers.


2. Teach Them the “Why” Behind Failure
It’s easy to say “Just try again.” But explaining why failure is part of success builds resilience. For kids, that might sound like, “Every miss is practice for your next win.” For employees, it could be, “If we never risk, we never innovate.”

When people understand the purpose of failure, they stop fearing it and start using it.


3. Reward Effort, Not Just Results
If kids think only winning counts, they’ll avoid situations that could make them look less than perfect. Same with employees, if the only thing you celebrate is the final sale or the big deal, you’ll stifle creativity and risk-taking.

I’m not a fan of the “everyone gets a trophy” approach, but ignoring a child’s, or an employee’s, genuine effort can be just as damaging as over-rewarding them. Both extremes rob them of the motivation to keep improving.

Praise the attempt. Praise the persistence. Praise the person who gets back in the game after being “out.” In the long run, resilience beats perfection.


4. Model It Yourself
If you want your kids, or your team, to embrace failure as part of growth, let them see you try something that might not work. Show them how you handle setbacks. Own your mistakes without hiding them.

Kids and employees are professional hypocrisy detectors. If you tell them failure is fine but they only see you hiding yours, they’ll know you don’t mean it.


5. Prepare Them for the Day You’re Not There
One day, your kids will make decisions without you in the room. One day, your employees will have to make calls without your approval. If you’ve let them fail in safe environments, taught them the why, and praised their effort, they’ll be ready.


The Bottom Line
Parenting is leadership. So is running a business. The goal isn’t to protect people from failure, it’s to prepare them to face it, learn from it, and keep going.

So, the next time your child, or your employee, avoids something because they might lose, remind them of Lionel Messi. Even the greatest in the world spend plenty of time “out” before they get back in the game.

And if all else fails, remember: sometimes the most important lesson you can teach is that you don’t have to win to grow. You just have to play.

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